


I'll be happy for you.

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: YouTube - (RPF)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Sean McLoughlin, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Insecure Sean McLoughlin, M/M, Mark Fischbach & Sean McLoughlin Friendship, Multi, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23555839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: Sean has been in love with his friend since before they were friends. So it was a cliche gay thing, until Sean gets the wedding invite.He doesn't know how to handle it, of course he is happy for his friend, but he can't help but wish it was him.
Relationships: Felix Kjellberg & Sean McLoughlin, Mark Fischbach & Sean McLoughlin, Marzia Bisognin/Felix Kjellberg
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

Sean McLoughlin was a regular guy, he had a YouTube channel, a girlfriend, and loved to game. And, like most other gaming channels, he loved PewDiePie. 

His girlfriend, Signe, was all he's ever wanted, still, if he could date the king of YouTube, he'd have to politely break up with her. He thought that was a normal thought to think. 

"Hey Baby!" Signe's voice said through his phone. "Sorry babe, I can't talk now." Sean said, hanging up. He texted her, 'im sorry bb, I'll call later ;(' Truth is, he didn't have anything to do, he just wanted to watch his favorite YouTuber. 

He clicked on his newest video, it was about some sort of contest winners. _Oh yeah, I signed up for that I think.._

Barely a few seconds into the video, his phone started blowing up with notifications. Most read something along the lines of 'congrats jack!! Ily I'm so proud of u!!' 

_Huh, what do they mean?_ He thought, as he scrolled through his Twitter. _Oh my god, what if I made it?!_

He clicked over to the video again, intending to watch it through. That was, until he heard- and saw- his channel name and one of his recent videos on screen. In PewDiePie's video. 

"Hahaha, I love this guy! What'd he say, 'top 'o the morin'-' eh fuck it." Holy shit. This wasn't happening right now, was it?! 

He just had to start up his camera and make a video about this. 

"Oh my god guys! I can't believe it, I just got mentioned in a PewDiePie video! He seemed to genuinely like it! Ahhh I can't wrap my head around this, it's crazy!" He rambled on about that for the remainder of the video, and then went to edit it.

Editing was quick, just an intro and outro, and cutting out most of his rambling. 

After that day, he felt things would never be the same. He was right, just not in the way that he hoped.


	2. 2

He felt things would never be the same, he was right, just not in the way the hoped.

* * *

After that day, his channel got a lot more attention and he was working on his videos almost full-time. He had to, he was uploading every day- maybe even twice every day. 

It was exciting and draining at the same time. Not to mention, his little obsession with Pewds- or Felix- got so much bigger. So much worst than before. Now he'd spend all of his free time rewatching old videos, now he instantly became happier when he heard Felix's voice, he could be having a mental break down or having one of the worst panic attacks, and the second he heard Felix talk, he'd automatically feel calmer. 

It was becoming a problem. His girlfriend often got mad at him, until the day she got so fed up with him that she decided to leave him.

He and Felix had become friends by the time the breakup happened, so naturally, Felix was the first one he told.

Irish Pussy: hey, can I call you? _read 2:03am_

PewDie: yeah ofc. read _2:03am_

Felix didn't even let the phone ring once, "What's up dude?" He heard muffled sniffles. "Are you okay? Tell me what happened." He said, concern in his voice.

"S-signe broke up with me.. sorry I just didn't know who else to call.." Sean said, trying not to break down while on the phone. "Oh my god, that's terrible! I'm so sorry man.. do you know why?" Felix asked. 

* * *

It's been years since then and he was over it. But in that time, he realized he had a crush on Felix. Of course they'd joke about 'Jelix' their ship name, they did the same with 'Septiplier' which was him and Mark.

It was easy with Mark because it was pure jokes, but with Felix.. he was being serious. Obviously Felix didn't know that.

There were nights were Sean would cry himself to sleep, or not sleep at all, and would instead cry all night. It wasn't easy having a crush on your best friend. 

To have to watch them do everything, to be so happy, to fall so deeply in love with someone, to come to you for every little thing, to watch them cry, it hurts and it never gets easier. 

To know they only see you as a friend, to joke around, unaware of how much it hurts the other person. To have to feel like that, it sucks.

Lonely nights definitely do get lonelier when you're in love. 

* * *

It was a normal thing for Sean to get mail, he'd probably ordered something for a video, or gifts from a convention.

But what he wasn't expecting was a wedding invitation. To Felix's wedding, especially. 

He couldn't explain the feeling he got when he saw it. He felt hopeless, worthless, he felt so sad, so betrayed, so angry, so guilty, and so so very empty, all at once.

He should be grateful that he was that close to Felix, he should be happy for his friend, he should be celebrating the fact that his friend found his person. But he didn't, he couldn't.

Instead, he felt jealous, he felt like crying, he wanted so badly to be Felix's person. But he isn't, and that's fine. It should be fine. It doesn't feel fine, it burns his heart, it cracks and tears into whatever happiness he had.

The days up to the wedding were full of tears and agony for Sean.

There was a lot of drinking, and, he doesn't want to say it, but there was a lot of cutting and burning himself, and he stopped eating meals regularly.


End file.
